Going out with a boy on a Saturday makes it a date right?...or Margaret needs to learn to read the signs!!!!!!!

I know I know, you're wondering how I could possibly not know yet if I'm dating this guy....well welcome to the world of cross cultural dating. It's confusing.

Well the boy and I texted back and forth all of this last week and we decided to go out Saturday evening. He was planning on going to the Global Session (an event I participate in where people practice their English while discussing a pre-selected topic) but since it was at my mountain office and he has no car, he couldn't make it. I have no idea if this a development since he met me or something he has always done, but he seems to study English a lot.... (^_^) though we never speak it really together.

Anyway, since I had that this morning we decided to meet up for dinner. Actually the topic of the Global Session was International Marriage so I'm kind of glad he didn't go. I feel like that might have been awkward. "Hey boy I just sort of kind of maybe started dating, wanna come to and English conversation class with me. We're gonna talk about international marriage!!! hint hint" No thank you.

The Global Session itself was really interesting. My friend Sara, who is a CIR in Kyoto City, was the guest speaker with her husband Paul. Sara is from Italy. Her husband is from the Ivory Coast. They met in Japan. She speaks Italian, English, and Japanese. He speaks French, some English, and Japanese. So they actually speak in Japanese to each other even though they are both non-Japanese. It was really interesting. It both made me hopeful about the possible success of a cross cultural relationship, but also really nervous because it seems so difficult.

Anyways....

So after the Global Session one of the old guys who participates drove me and Laurel home and then made us go to Mister Donuts with him. And I do mean made. I said I was sorry but I had stuff to do and he just ignored me. So we went. And then when I only ordered one donut, since I was going out to dinner with the boy and didn't want to be full, he ordered 2 more donuts for me and made me eat them. Ugh.

Then I cleaned my apartment to keep myself busy. I always get so nervous before going out with this guy. I guess this is what real dating is like...you don't ever really know what is going on. I feel like American girls (and guys) don't really do this anymore. We don't get to know people through dating. We become friends and then do the relationship thing. At least that is my experience, and that of most of my friends. We very rarely get asked out on actual dates. I kinda like it.

So today he came to pick me up again. And again he waited down the street for me...when I get a bit more comfortable with him I will ask him about that. He also totally destroyed my master plan to give us the opportunity to maybe kiss goodnight...I was going to "forget" to bring the DVD I said I'd lend him, thereby giving me a reason to invite him up to my apartment, but when he called to say he was waiting down the street he reminded me to bring it ＿|￣|○. We caught the 5:05 train for Kyoto since we decided to get out of Kameoka. He, like most Japanese people I have seen so far, is very concerned about people seeing us together. Normally I would be upset about that, but I kind of understand it. Japanese people, though maybe I should say small town people, gossip a lot! They are always talking about other people and putting their noses in your business. So to get any privacy you have to hide.

I was kind of nervous about being on a train with him. That may sound weird...but we have never really gone anywhere except places nearby and there would be no escape if things got awkward. But it turned out ok. Of course. We don't usually have trouble coming up with things to talk about. I made fun of the girls on the train with the bleached blonde hair (which turns orange on Japanese girls, and guys for that matter). I figured I might as well be myself around him.

He said he had called ahead to a few places but they were already full for the evening so we had to wing it. We took the subway from Nijo to Kyoto Shiyakusyomae and then walked to a restaurant. I am guessing he had a good idea of where he was going.

It was a nice place on the 7th floor of some random building. I was really glad when we got there that I had decided NOT to wear my awesome American boots that zip up to just below my knee because it was the type of place where you have to take your shoes off...that would have been amazingーly awkward.

He again either knew to save me from the overly complicated menu or he is just the type of guy who orders for people. I think he can tell when I'm incapable of understanding what I am looking at, because on future dates I have yet to blog about, I have ordered for myself.

We stayed at the restaurant until they made us leave because they were too busy to have us sitting there. We talked about a lot of stuff like what we wanted to be when we were kids, and what he would do if he wasn't working at city hall, and about how he used to be rebellious before he got into college (ie. the long haired, motorcycle driving, guitar playing, cigarette smoking type) but he has since cut his hair ( (^_^)), sold the motorcycle ( (T_T) ) and quit smoking ( (^_^) ).

I also decided to be adventurous and try a new drink while we were out...Yuzu beer. Yuzu is a Japanese lime? I guess. So it was lime flavored beer. And not like Corona, it has a hint of lime, but LIME! And not American lime, but Japanese lime which is like the worst of both worlds. It is sour, but it is bitter sour. I dunno. I didn't expect it to be good, but I like trying weird things. And I was right...it was gross. But it made a good conversation starter. Cuz then I got to explain Sake Bombs and Irish Car Bombs...for a society that drinks a lot, the Japanese are sadly behind the times when it comes to creative drinks....though they do have something called a Chanpon which apparently is what they call it when you mix together all the leftover stuff you got lying around into one cup...

So I paid this time, as was the agreement. It wasn't too bad either, only about $65. For two drinks each and a nice meal, it wasn't too bad. It was still early, only about 8:00 by that point, so we decided to go to a bar. He knew the area, having lived in Kyoto for 5 years, so I let/made him choose a place. I only know foreigner bars which would definitely NOT be interesting to him.

This was when we hit our first hiccup of the night. We got to the bar and of course I had never been there. I had no idea where we were to be honest. So we went inside and I started looking around. Then to start conversation I asked him if he had ever been there before. Apparently that made it seem like I was thinking it was a sketchy place or like I thought he took lots of girls there or something cuz he looked kind of taken aback. Later he asked me why I had done that....and I had to laugh. I had to explain that since it was my first time there I was just taking in the atmosphere and that since he had walked so deliberately to this place I was wondering if he had been there before. I felt bad for making him think I was upset about it, but it was pretty funny.

Again, Japanese people do not seem to understand drinks. He orders things when he doesn't know what they are, which isn't a problem, but he ends up getting things like Cosmopolitans. So...yeah. It was kind of adorable when the drink arrived and he was like...so it's pink. And I had to tell him they drink them a lot on Sex and the City.

We sat out on the balcony of the bar, which was actually over the banks of the Kamo River, which is one of my favorite places in Kyoto. He didn't know that but now he does.

We got onto topics like television and differences between American and Japanese and British style humor. Then we talked about the Global Session this morning and about why Japanese men tend to date other Asian women but not western women whereas Japanese women date western men.

At around 11:15 we had to leave to catch the last train back to Kameoka. I wouldn't let him pay the bar tab...but that's how I found out how nice of a place we were at...$45 for 2 drinks and a plate of chocolate....DAMN.

Here came the second hiccup of the night. Or perhaps I should call it my epic failure (my friends here yell at me when I call it that, but it was pretty sad on my part)...

So we were walking home and this huge group of loud drunk high school/college kids were crowded in the middle of the sidewalk and half the street. He was really sweet and stepped in front of me to sort of lead the way through. And my idiotic American self was not paying that much attention because I know how to walk through crowds and blah blah blah. Well he was walking with his left hand behind him in what should have been an obvious "hey grab my hand" gesture. But when I saw this...I was like...Wait, is that what he means? What if he doesn't mean for me to hold his hand and then I do and then it's awkward? And what if that means something totally different here? And....ugh I'm ridiculous sometimes.

I totally blew this perfect chance to figure out what is going on in a harmless manner. I could totally have shrugged it off if it was a big deal and UMMM PEOPLE DON'T HOLD THEIR HANDS OUT FOR YOU IF THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO HOLD THEM. ―(T_T)→　

But other than that we had a very nice train ride home. We started talking about how tomorrow is Paulette's belated birthday gathering and more about the ALTs in general. We talked about their schedules and how they rarely come to the office anymore so I eat alone. He always eats at home instead of the office to get out of the office environment. I believe the exact word was "refresh" only with Japanese pronunciation so "refreshyu." Since I had run into him after eating lunch with all of the ALTs yesterday I explained that Friday was rare and that usually I eat alone at my desk and that is lame and boring and ugh.

To which he responded by pointing at himself.....

Which was about the cutest way to offer to eat lunch with me ever. (I've been here too long if this kind of stuff works on me now).

He asked what days the ALTs are in the office and I said...well Laurel is there once a month. So I eat alone almost every day. And he said...well if you ever want to go together just let me know. Every day, once a week. All good. ヘ(^_^ヘ)(ノ^_^)ノ

He he.

Then I got trapped behind like 3 people who couldn't get their fares right when getting off the train which was hilarious.

He walked me back to my apartment, stopped at that invisible wall thing, and went home.

I have given it some thought since then, and to be honest I'm ok with things the way the are for now. Being in the situation we are in, if we are dating, which we definitely are by Japanese standards, then we SHOULD take it painfully slow because the cultural differences can get in the way. Also I should stop thinking about it like that. The more I worry about cultural differences the more of a problem they will be. If I just look at him as a guy and me as a girl, it might go more smoothly.